Note 52 : A 28th December Christmas

I barged through the front door, stumbled with my keys - rang the bell..

"Merry Christmaaassss" I yelled - on auto pilot - Mavshi stared at me - Dead eyes, she did doubt my sanity and now i knew why. I smiled.

" Bache kaha hai?" (Where are the kids)

She pointed towards their room - Electrocution this time was guaranteed

I knocked.

Mavshi was waiting in excitement - she was the one who'd love to see sinners go to hell and right now, it seemed she was viewing my judgment day - live.

I knocked again -

"Speak friend and you shall pass"  yelled Agnes
(The lord of the rings analogy)

"Friend" i answered  and opened the door.

The courtroom :

Lil : What kinda Santa arrives on the 27th of December?

Me: ummm

Ag: Did they not teach you in school that kids especially amazing girls with radical superpowers need to be kept happy

Me: Ag, there was work

Lil opened the bag i had

Lil: Santa got us chips.

Mavshi was at the door - she was giggling - i think this situation right here was her Christmas gift

Me: its 2 am in the morning - the medical shops had no chocolates

Ag: you buy gifts for your children from a medical shop

Me: we will go out tomorrow and I'll buy whatever you want

Lil: Money, cannot buy you happiness Mr. Joshi - Christmas is when you spend time with your family

Ag: Now i think he has married some random chick and is spending time with her?

Lil : i think so to Agnes, he is tired of us

Me: don't do this kids - i promise - tomorrow is the new 25th
(They make me feel so stupid)

I'm sorry - i thot we'll have chips, I'll make you guys cold coffee and some pasta and we'll have a Hobbit megathon.

I admitted my guilt and was waiting for the verdict.  It started in two minutes.

Lil: No office for the rest of the year

Ag: No fone calls for the rest of the year, tell your girl friends you have kids

Me : Ok

They made me type the email for office leaves, hid my phone - i did have to make pasta and coffee, made tea for Mavshi

"Late zhala aahe, tumhala zophaicha nai" i asked her ( it's late dont you have to sleep)

"Its new years weekend kid" she said

The kids were teaching Mavshi English and i was impressed.

Hobbit started - two kids in two arms - hot coffee and pasta, and Christmas chips of course - Mavshi on her arm chair - snoring.

Ag: We are still mad at you, but the coffee is good

3 am on the 28th morning.

Christmas is when you want it to be.

Happy Christmas

Hdk

Note 51 : Humans killing Humans

“How did you let this happen dad?” they asked me, with eyes that screamed with disappointment and the anger that comes with it.

“How did this happen, in your watch, in our neighborhood, you read the papers – you talk about change – you talk about humanity – all you do is talk Dad, all you do is talk” – their love choosing softer words for them

“ You said lives matter, you talk about how kids are the future, you …. “ the outburst of words found its way through her eyes. Lily walked away, to her room, while Agnes – sat there. The emotional one`s get numb in times like these and the ones who fake being tough – suffer a breakdown.

“Di is just disappointed Joe” – Ag walked around and put her head on my lap

I hated being an adult and there were times when all 3 of us took turns, at being one – the shared burden. Today, none of us wanted to shoulder it.

Kids attending school -were killed in our neighboring country, a hundred and thirty – a bullet in each one`s body. Humans killing humans, I asked myself if this was new, no, was the immediate answer.
What was different? A line was crossed? Who gets to choose?

  Everyone everywhere is stretching boundaries, so were the terrorists. I felt disgusted at my own thought process. The stories we sell our brains to make-do with grief, end up defining our lives. The turmoil within me was nothing compared to what was in the house, I felt something was broken – a parent does not want to lose the innocence of his own child – but the world outside brutally wants its opposite. This time, it won.

I had nothing to tell them today, no great words. I was ashamed of being a human and letting myself exist among all this – I am one of them – if I am taking privilege in all that we have achieved  - I take the blame of all that is wrong. I take the blame of letting those guys kill kids. I let that happen.

I am guilty and someone please come and take me away.

“I`m sorry kids”

Note 50 : What next?

Soil or was it mud drizzled from my shoe as i took the next step.. My black walking stick slowly turned brown as the day passed...

The kids looked dog-tired - this was one hike that was a little not fun..was a little too tiring and was  when the silence was quiet ..

The trip was a gentle reminder that a shout in the void was unheard almost all the time - that heavens were not always above our heads..or was vertically moving forward .

A conversation with kids ended with me saying that you don't always build bridges over unruly waters .. You need to pass over calm waters too..

Another conversation was about how cockroaches in the house were having an early Christmas in our absence ..

Lily talked about my asthma and rued over my carelessness in not getting it treated .. Agnes kept talking in Spanish like English..

Sometimes the birds and the foliage spoke to the 3 of us..

We reached the unintended summit, there was no where else to go..we caught our breaths

 What do you do when you're done - i pondered  ..i looked at the kids..

Agnes was unpacking the tent.. Lil threw her back pack and slept on the grass.. They looked oddly comfortable when my mind wondered about things to do.. I was restless whilst  they enjoyed this little achievement..

Its easy to talk about living in the moment or is it?

My little tent, my 2 girls - this summit.

Joe

PS:

The night fell as those little giants fought, made up and at one point set the tent on fire - we ate noodles - we had fruit juice and the stars kept gazing down on us - shining on us.

"Live one day at a time my darlings " ended the fairytayle