Note 6 : We all miss her...

It's Sunday afternoon.. The march'ing moving in..

Agnes is done with the garden patch..and Lily heat has finished cleaning her bicycle...

They both love the mud-the grass and the shrubs - dad traits u call them..

Theres rice- dal and daddy cooked potatoes for lunch.."theres no one in the world who cooks the potato sabji better than u Joe" Agnes says trying to imitate you..

I roll my eyes over as both girls now take turn at imitating you..

"she says it like this.. Jamuooooonnn" theres a u in between the 'o's lily says correctin her younger sister..

They're obviously trying to say Jamoon- the way u say it..

"why did she not become a journalist dad" Lily asked..I said "she was a part of different universes there's not one did she want to live in -- so journalism is just one she skipped over"..

They both look at me "wen will he ever stop using his metaphors"

And so lunch is done..it's.story time for the girls as I try to keep them away from the afternoon sun..

Lily went to the rack and picked a book..and then she opened it and smelled it through..the smell of paper..u used to do it.. Now she does it..I just kept staring at her.. She came around and kissed me on my unshaved cheeks..

" we all miss her daddy.." ..

Hdk

Note 5 : Marriage

"then Seema aunty told me that in the next 15-16 years I would have to leave u daddy and go away.. And I told her my dad would never let me go.. He tells me I am his world and I m the sunshine - bright and shiny and Lily di is the starry moonlight - calm and serene.. His day is incomplete without both...will u let me go dad" .. Agnes asked..on a day when even the sun didn't kno if it had to shine or hide behind the clouds.. I still had to reply.. I would never let any of the girls questions go unanswered lest they stop asking me and get wierd answers from the net.. Always a worried dad.." Ag " I would start "honey, wen u grow up you will find a man and then ull love him ..then maybe you would want to stay with him"

"But u r a man daddy and I love u so so much and I am already living with you, why would I go away??"

"what did I tell yu about the future ?" I asked

" live one day at a time, carpe diem" she spoke like a soldier on guard..

"So seize the day honey and dont worry about the future and tell seema aunty that ur dad will never let u go"

Hdk

And I convinced myself and Ag .. Just hoping it might be true.

Note 4 : People Apart

It was a sweltering day of summer.. The body drained of sweat whenever an attempt was made to walk into the sun..

The same was in office, you sometimes get tired of the games people play and you are impacted by it when all you want to do is sit back and do ur job..

I came home real messed up in the head - I never let the girls know about my mental state when it is like this..

So I tried to be the normal self..

"daddy's home" I announced and Agnes the sweetheart she is came running in and I lifted her in my arms..

She did seem tall - I always used to wonder if kids grew tall overnight.. Well it seems they do

We had our dinner - the maid cooked it each day - she didn't have the magic - but the girls ate it - so I never complained.

I put them to bed - the official goodnight kiss and I was back to my room..

Where I opened the laptop to catch up with work, but thought otherwise.. Closed it bac again and tried to sleep..

I felt a hand roll over my head..ruffling my hair..I thought it was you in a dream..my mind always raced to you when it was this volatile and indecisive..I did open my eyes and it was Agnes - she was sitting on the bed - "you worry too much daddy, my teacher tells me that good things happen to good people" she said.." how did u kno daddy was worried" she rolled her eyes over as if I had asked a really.obvious question ..

Just like u used to do when my most valiant effort to shield u from my worries felt flat on its face.

"Tell me what happened?", she asked

And my mind races back to d time when I found my heaven in ur arms.

"Nothing I say, just something at work. Don't worry, tell me bout your school today! I say trying hard to change the topic.

If it were you, I could hav told you every small detail, how Amar is suddenly such an ass, how Asmita has changed to b d newest bitch, how Arun is tryin hard to undermine me at every moment.

But you aren't here. A much younger part of you- of me is here.so d tact, I tell myself. Can't tel d little angel things she wudnt comprehend.

"Daddy you know, since the time I am made d house captain, Seema is not talking to me anymore, vijay and Karun don't share their tiffin anymore, I don't find my place in d bus with my friends anymore. Ppl hav started acting strange. I don wan2 b d house captain."

But u know daddy, teacher likes me very much. She told me that I am doing a good job and that there is no1 else she can make d house captain.

So I have stayed in daddy, I hope my friends wil understand. I hav found a new friend as well. He also is a house captain like me. He also does not have many friends now.

I smile, did she make this up?or did u put this in her mind?

I know ur still here. More beautiful, more innocent and more loving than before.

And through her, you live on for me- for us

Hdk

Note 3 : Aunt's Birthday

Lily loves making me tea..

 Each morning she tries various combinations of ginger, chai masala, quantities of milk, water, and tea leaves. I've kept her to tea on weekdays ..however weekends is coffee that is a different story..

 Today the tea was real strong.. She was angry about yesterday night.. It was aunty's birthday and daddy was late and couldnt attend the gathering - she and her 2 friends had planned.. Aunty - was an aged flower vendor - she loved her flowers..she had got 4 huge umbrellas to shade her flowers - her small shop was on way to school and fragrant as Lily is she caught aunties eye and each day my Lily and aunties lily meet.. Lily loved her - So it was aunties birthday that daddy missed..she never showed it but the strong tea told me.

 I was in for a rough morning...in my defense I had an important project and I did apologize to my girl ( all your work is always super important dad - she had quipped yesterday night) I had to drop them to school - all 3 of us on our bicycles - the only stop - aunties shop came and I halted the caravan - I opened my bag got 4 cheesecakes and aunties belated birthday was celebrated - on the road-to help Dad make up for things Agnes had made a painting of Lilies and the aunty..

 Her grin made sure I din have to worry about my strong girls for another day..

 Hdk

Note.2 : Dad's home

'Dad's home' I announced..she came in running, I lifted her on my arms and then she started talking..

 ' we weren't really talking when teacher punished'

 'the school shirt got dirty because I fell while jumping the puddle'

 ' see dad I wrote this today and I also drew your favorite author'

 She has so much to talk about. ' we'll wash it tomorrow as it is a laundry day and I'll talk to ur teacher ok and wow Lily that drawing is so good ' - wondering when did I tell her about my favorite author

 I had come home - real tired - there's insanity in office for promotions, for hikes and then there's so much work - passing an entire day with only that, I've stopped taking breaks because I want to stay away from my phone, stay away from the need. But I then came home to this, I feel light headed now, shes completing her homework..and we then have to go for the night walk..both of us love the dark skies - stars and moon..

 Never needed too many people.

 Hdk

Note : 1. The day it begins

Yesterdays dream.

 It was a house, just the ground floor nothing on top, there was a wooden roof - a couple of windows - a blue starry curtain - john lennon humming in the background- a garden began parallel to the front porch - it.sure had Lily'ies for me and sunflower's for you..a see-saw, a jhoola for the kids.

It seemed like it had snowed - there was a soft-puffy-cottony layer on the road that led to our house. I was home cooking - you probably had gone out - for an art exhibition. We had 2 kids whom I had to baby sit- Lily and Agnes - if I remember it right.. It was probably spring - the end of winter like it is right now.. The harsh cold giving way to a blooming Summer.

I had a workdesk with a lot of books and notes - I was probably a writer - there obviously was a canvas - wid that one painting - the dad wid his 2 fragrant flowers.. You used to say it was your best work. I wondered if you meant the kids, me or our lives..Coz it seems you drew us - you drew us towards you..


The future dad?

 Hdk