Note 21 : Thunder

The bag was in the hall - all contents scattered - the shoes in the middle of the house - I had just entered - knew had to be cautious.

She didnt come running and mavshi opened the door.

Ag had to be volcanic to skip the routine. "Kitna bura" (how bad) I asked mavshi. She just nodded her head,pointed at all that was strewn in the house.- gave a sigh - took the bag of my hands and walked away.

Her opinion was that the girls had a lot of free hand...I begged to differ..

Lily was at a friends. So I knocked - "Trespassers would be electrocuted" the signboard giving a due warning.

I smiled.

Knocked again.

Nothing.

I entered - she was sitting in the balcony - her little legs out of the railing - staring out - quietly.

I went next to her and sat down - no word for 5 minutes.

Breaking the silence, "Ag," I said "what happend honey" I brushed her short hair.
I already had a message from her teacher - she had beaten up a boy. The parents wanted to meet me.

"He is such a bully daddy, he ate Anna`s chocolate, he made my friend cry" good enough reason I thot.

 "he didnt even ask and snatched it and Anna started crying"... She was angry, it went on for 15 minutes.. It was a conversation which ended with how she beat up the guy and how he ended up crying.

The anger was now gone..peace reigned

" you cant go about beating people Ag, you tell your teacher about what happend right" she nodded

I had her company for dinner - where she smartly spoke about her good deeds trying to be back in the good books :)

I was happy my girl beat up a bully..I never yelled at the girls - it was more about letting them distinguish the right from wrong...

I have to meet angry parents tomorrow

- I had to stop smiling..


Hdk

Note 20 : When the lights go off..

The lights just went off...we were sitting in the garden outside..

The glaring brightness just dimmed into something more sober..

The girls came running to me..We sat together huddled..

It was a warm summers day..office was in its best elements and the hot air had me feeling ill...

With no power .. I could just see the silhouettes of my beautiful girls..

Ag stretched herself with her head in my lap..she did wat she did best.. Stare at the stars...marvellin at their distant presence...

Lily ..too tired of her school routine..sitting next to me.. Rested her head on my side arm..wrapping a arm around it..singing a silent rhyme..

A moment ago..I was wondering how alone I was and when the lights went off..

I could see...

the twinkling stars..

I could hear..

d soulful song..

in my very lap... coz sometimes you need to turn off the lights to see whats really shining. :)

How could I possibly be alone

Hdk

Note 19 : Ag's Annual day.

Participation for these events was always something I encouraged. Dont participate for competing, participate to better yourself, to fight your fears, if you win your internal battles - you are the winner.
"but I want to win too daddy" Ag always said.."that should be your second priority - to play to win - with the right spirit honey".. She just nods.

She's dancing to some fairy song - has a god-white frock which is has these designs and there's an umbrella roof right at the bottom to keep it straight..("it's not a roof, it's how fairy costumes are" you know who said this right). Her short hair and height - made her look like a literal little fairy and I couldn't resist kissing her cheeks .. ("your beard daddy" - she growled)

So she's on stage..I boast to other parents .

"thats Ag, my daughter guys"..

"thats her, yeah"

The way I see it she would have given a ballerina a run for her money.. It was perfect. The little feet, jumping at d slightest drum beat, her marble like eyes..happie..anxious..excited..jumpy..the way those arms moved - swirled - swung - it's like the dance ruled the song.

The music stopped, the breathing started.

I was crying and smiling..how amazing was that..people applauded..kept applauding..

"my daughter" I proclaimed.."my daughter"...

Later in the day..I lifted her up in my arms and told her how amazing she was, me and Lily made her dance again - exclusive performance - we joined in too...I lifted them both up now and we went about in circles..


Hdk

Note 18 : You`re still here

You did come and meet them..they were ecstatic to see you..

You met Lil and you poured over books .. Read this..that.. u debated ur favorite authors..their books..u would talk ..talk and then maybe talk more..

until little green leaves would sprout from ground...
there would be banyans all around..

A stream ..gushing..bending on the round...
Little birds..chirping on the mound...
Or is it you and Lil..just ur sound..

It's evening...
The sun is a lil dense..
a little mumble..
A lot of sense..

You keep talking..
I sit wondering on the fence..
As I see the past and future
Over deeper and present tense...

World turned over..
In my eyes..
Over that glance...

Lil was happy..
Her eyes danced..
Is this real
or is this just a pretense..

Lil ponders, still buried in her book..as my thoughts just passed over what could have been...over what is...

You're still here..

Hdk

Note 17 : There`s still time..

She woke up..rubbing those.little brown eyes..
with her little fingers..
as she opened just one of her eyes..
squinting towards me..and gave the naughty smile ..she always had..

She's still in bed. I walk up towards her .. Run my hand towards her head and ask her to go back to sleep..

"it's a holiday Ag..".... both eyes closed now..the pooh bear blanket pulled up closer..

She goes back to sleep..still smiling :)


Hdk

Note 16 : Tour

"honey, dads gonna b gone for just a few days..they need me there.. And I will bring the bat-mobile for you when I'm.back..please ..please please please" I plead to Agnes..she is making her angry face - adorable that she is ..I make my "daddy also hates it but has to do it" face so that she understands..

I go to Lily.."sweetie.. Take care of Ag n urself..B on time for school..cycle carefully..the extra money is where I always keep it..but please stick to Mavshi's food..and dont harass your masi ok - daddy loves u"

"travel safe dad" she says.. I never realized how being the elder sister made Lily so responsible of everything..I was proud of her and I knew that both my girls would take care of each other..

There were truckful of instructions given to both from a day prior to me leaving..and it never stopped till right wen I was at the railway station..

I had put sticky notes on the refrigerator writing down all important numbers the doctors, mavshis , my alternate contact, relatives etc .. I am a nervous dad..

At the station me and Ag are talking abt her batmobile while I also hold Lilys hand.. The coolie is behind holding my luggage..I just wanna keep talking to the girls..

The train whistle goes off..I kiss them on their foreheads.. Does business travel have to be so difficult..
..i let mavshi take them home..

I'm gonna miss them..miss them soo much..

"I'll be back in no time" I whisper almost silently..

I.love my girls..


Hdk

Note 15 : The House - the man

The house didn't have a lot of furniture, but we did have many shelves... Shelves in my room for the books .. 3 of them..Lily to had her own shelves of books she owned - at times we had 2 copies of the same book in the house, when reasoned she would say. - "when I go on my world tour, you will not give me the copy you own - so I am collecting mine", the other shelf she had had the frames of fotografs she had clicked.Ag had her gadgets and toys shelf.. The bat-mobile, her minion collection..the happy meal toys had to be there..


The rooms - Ag and Lily shared one - the one where I was expressly prohibited.. I had to be 10 meters away from the door at all times - "no" they would say "you are the coolest dad ever, but we need our space"

... So I had this printed and animated sign on their door...

"Ecologically sensitive area..Trespassers will be electrocuted" it was my belief that a trespasser would really be electrocuted..

They took turns at changing their favorite bed-sheets and curtains..an internal arrangement ..the girls and mavshi had stamped and signed..

My room was redecorated by them too..their impeccable taste of colors and their belief that my school didnt teach me colors other black-white-grey - was a joke they always cracked when we shopped.

While I took them shopping they would wait for me to pick my choice ..which obviously wasn't good and then they would take over as experts ruin my hard work and choose something awesome which had passed my eyes and I accepted defeat as the salesmen would keep staring at what was happening..

They never noticed the black and white man getting colored..


Hdk

Note 14 : At Rest

Lily quietly entered the room...the room was kept dark..the temperature maintained and the silence too was loud..

I was on bed as she approached...

"did she sleep?" Lil whispered..
"finally" I whispered back.." Lil too found some place on the other side of the bed and stretched..

Agnes slept in the middle..the tiny tired eyes fast asleep.. Coughing and puking all day long..the illness had taken a toll on my little cloud..

And even in her illness, as the doctor said "pray to god he'll make you strong again",
she quipped "why should I pray to your very god who gave me this illness..?" .. The dumbfounded doctor was speechless..

Did I teach them well, I sometimes asked myself, my lessons in reasoning and questioning.. I wouldnt know. But they were starting to form their own opinions. Forming their faith in reason.

"Go to sleep Daddy, I'll stick around" Lily said looking at my tired face..,"no honey, you've got school tomorrow, you get some sleep"..

In a few minutes sleep conquered Lil too.

All of us on the same bed, the three pillars of my little happy family. I wondered sometimes if I was the weakest one - looking at how bravely these girls fought their own battles..and tirelessly won all of them..

Sleep didnt come to me that night..

But my mind was at rest.



Hdk

Note 13 : Agnes Lullaby

It's snappy..

wrappy..

nappy..

Or it's flappy..

sappy..

lappy..

I going to be happy..

Coz it's vacationing pappy..

Scooby doo lalala..

And shaggy doo lalala..

La la la la laaaaaaaa

Dexter has a deedee

And I have you Leelee...

Coz we both are crazy

So let's just turn around..

Johnny johnny bravo....

And havan kund me aaavvoo..

Powerpufffffyyyyyyyy bhi gaavoo

...............

It's vaaacaationnnyyyy haaaappppyyy....

It's summer vacation and Agnes is at her rhyming best...

Sing along

Hdk. 

Note 12 : Way of life

As the tears rolled down ..I sat upon the staircase..after a days work..I wasn't headed home..I just had to sit down..somewhere alone

You are hit by the pangs of lonliness wen you hav an intense desire..to talk ..to share your happiness.. Something good had happened.. I did have an achievement but whom do you share it with..

The girls ..yes they are there.. they are the reason..but dont u want a hand to hold on to sometimes..

I shed the gloom and headed home...it was early evening..midway, I called home and told mavshi to get the girls ready.. We'll go the beach..I asked her not to.cook dinner...

As I rang the door-bell I could hear Ag cry out loud announcing my arrival..Lily too was widely grinning.. The girls loved surprises.. I called them around and said "Papa's got a good salary hike and so we're celebrating" ..

Ag had her usual "Yay" before she rushed to get her beach toys...

Lil came around and hugged me, she knew what it meant and how much.."congrats daddy, we're proud of you" .. My eyes were full.. I looked at her and said " so am I Lil.. Now get ready quickly ..I'll too change and it's beach time" .. I kissed her forehead and let her go..

At the beach.. Ag built her usual castles and palaces ... Lil with chappals in her hand walked on the wet shore..collecting some sea shells here and there.. I too let go and stretched myself on the sand...

For dinner we had pav-bhaji, chaats and the golas - our common favorite...

Later as we walked back.. I could hear Lil explain Ag how the waves were formed .. About high tides and low tides...

So is life I wanted to tell them..sometimes you are high other times you are low... But you never back down...

And so the day was celebrated.. I finally did adopt being at peace as a way of life...

Hdk

Note 11 : Agnes

Agnes .. Well she was a sweatheart for whom teddy bears were made for... She was Jerry out of the Tom's n Jerrys.. The one who would need to break glasses..spill water...fall at every banana peel..run behind puppies..would race with the elevator in the building with Lily in it...

She is a super storm..while u could hear the leaf fall from a tree when Lily is around..you would miss a thunder-storm when Ag is at her best..This is when she's happy and excited..

When she is sad and quiet..you would know the earth has stopped spinning around.. She has those big round eyes ..the one I loved talking to when she was just a year old..

For Agnes I am a horse whom she'll roam around the house riding.. I'm the huge tower on whose arms she would sit and gaze at the world.. I am this immense source of joy.. There was never a day when she would not look at me and smile..

Lily loves Agnes more than her own self.. She tucks her in bed..she watches her step..gives her everything she loves.

The girls complete my world, so when I close my door each night...I'm with the world within. There's nothing outside.

Hdk

Note 10 : Lily

The call was almost at the closing..they'd completed discussing business..it was small talk time.. The discussion moved from the weather and it somehow landed on the kids. One of the consultants asked me how my girls looked.. They finally had me interested..

"The eldest one is Lily..if you wanna imagine how she looks ..you imagine a cotton field..you imagine a blue sky .some.clouds here and there ..the Sun's lazily shining around..its a quiet summer's breezy evening...about her ..she would be wearing her favorite frock..the one which is white ..has flowers on it..her hair is tight in a bun..she has black rimmed glasses..her dark brown eyes would have a reflection of the perfect world...she would have a book nearby...and there is a blues song she would be humming along.. This is her world.. She's straight.and is, like her father not really social..but even when she walks..her world which is just described..walks along with her.. The world doesn't bother her.."

"And Agnes..well .. I'll describe her the next time"..

It was late evening..I'm in a stone walled corporate office..with my desk..and gadgets..and thinking about my little girl..flew me out of here to her quiet.. peaceful and perfect world...


Hdk

Note 9 : We shall overcome

"so honey..we can't go there because dad needs to save up.. (ur education..college..maybe marriage - how do I tell them this) for the car he is plannin to buy - so is it ok if we plan this trip next year ?? (hate to say no) "
"hmm" nods Lily - she understands

She really loves traveling and although we do plan and manage trips - this one seemed overbudget and she really had her heart in it and like me she too is a compulsive planner ..every detail was planned..

"we'll cycle to this place"

" we will trek there"

" the jungle safari will be too good- I will click so many pictures"

I had to save up for loads of other reasons too and dad is waiting for the next promotion..

A brain wave later:

"you know wat Lil" I look to her and say "lets go for it
.. Dad too needs a break.. and it's been so much time that the three of us haven't spent time together"
"Yayyy" Lil says as she rushes to her room and starts finding her hiking shoes-binoculars-hats-her glasses everything she had in mind..

I'm still in the hall - mentally trying to make sure the expenses will be met..

Ag is back from school - she's unpacking and then the butterfly sings

"We shall overcome..
We shall overcome..
We shall overcome..one day..ayy..
Woahoo deep in my heart
I do believe
We shall overcome
One day.."

I joined the chorus...in Hindi this time..
"hum honge kamyaab..
Hum honge kaamyab
Hum honge kamyaab ek din hmmmm..
Oho man mai hai vishwas..
Pura hai vishwas
Hum honge kaamyab
Ek din"

The three of us sang the whole song..

I'm glad I kept my girls heart - in all the madness that surrounds us - we tend to forget that we earn to be happie and make our families happy..

If money serves that - we then would have really earned it..

- " nahi darr kisi ka aaj
Nahi darr kisi ka aaj
Nahi darr kisi ka aaj k din ..hmmmm
Ohoo man me hai vishwas
Pura hai vishwas
Nahi darr kisika
Aaj k din "

Sing along...


Hdk

Note 8 : A letter for letters with letters

Dear Lily,

Dads missing you, I'm hoping everything at home is ok. I will be back soon. I spoke to mavshi she says everythings ok home which makes me think theres something fishy ..

But I'm sure nothing is out of hand.

I did get Ag's batmobile it came with a batman figurine..I'm sure shes gonna get crazy and forget everything about getting angry at me..

For you Ive got something special.. I remember ur lecture about bribes not working but I'm still positive it will (I got her a frock - the one which is white in the background and has a lot of flowers..I can only imagine how awesome it'll look - plus she has those beautiful looking earings - I'm a fan of my own daughter ) .

Ask mavshi to take Ag for her dental check up and make sure she doesnt have those chocolates which you gifted her this Christmas - call me if she cries.

Dad will be back soon and we will go to the beach together - on any day you girls decide.

Be the good girl you've always been. Dad loves u Lil and is proud of you.

Proud dad

Joe

-Hdk

**Mavshi - an aged help - who takes care of the kids and cooks food.

Note 7 : Heaven`s Sleeping

It was one of the short trips you generally undertake to a distant cousin - a family function - one that needed me and I just took the girls so they know the relatives..they have to know them bcoz there would b times wen I wouldn't belong to the planet..looking way into the future .. :)

So, we have the free lunch - only Agnes was with me - Lil had drawing competition .. We say our goodbyes to the relatives and off we are...

She talks about her school (endless source of conversation) .. Wat happend - wat didnt - wat should have..

..she got tired after a while, the bus was crowded..so she was in my lap..she dozed off..her head lying comfortably on my shoulders..sunshine slept.

I took her around and held her on my hands..I could see her face. Seeing a child sleep gives u a peaceful easy feeling..it's as if the world has gone quiet and there's this soft soulful song playing..like someone has just paused the mad choas and now it's just chirping birds..

I have my worries- I have them all the time - but there's this one place I have to come and its all gone..Puff ..

She twitched and I made sure everything was comfy..shes sleeping soundly and my mind is at rest..

Hdk