Note 47 : There's No Winning From Them..

The background music was this melodramatic drum roll. The type which moves from a climax to anticlimax and suddenly takes a beaten road into oblivion and ends with a whooshh...

Well, that was what was strumming in my head, nostril smelled of baby powder, hands baked in fresh baby poop and my pants smelled of pee..

What seems to be a wild night out is albeit the end result of a horribly placed gamble gone wrong..

Early in the day.

I was blatantly (a soft word) challenged by my younger one.  "If you really want to understand a woman, go babysit for a day"

Agnes was into a super feminist flavor of life. She smoked away debates...

A potentially harmless lunch side conversation had landed me a babysitting assignment. The debate was on the role of a man, woman in the society.

It was over before it even started, in my words a casual stroll in the park     landed me a trip down hell..

 "childbearing is a wrong association - but isn't that the design" i began elegantly..

What followed was a beating of my life. All the women I've had in my life (yes, for dinner) scare me. And when they gang up - I'm but as screwed up as a man who's married..

"Your base is full of male chauvinism - how can you blame it on the design - when the responsibility is shared" ...

"The design of a bullet and gun; but its still the person who presses the trigger whose held responsible... How can you blame the dead ?"

My head start to hurt; "okay, okay shared responsibility .. I hear you"

"Can we eat?"

"No dad, prove us that you believe - show us your shared responsibility"

"I have the bullet and the gun - get me my target" i chuckled..

"Horrendous dad !!" Lil said in disgust...

"We'll get you a kid and you will have to baby sit it for a day and come out clean"...

" why do you need proof, don't you already know - guys I've raised you with my bare hands - practically "

I heard Mavshi cough from the kitchen. "Alright, you helped me too" - i coughed back

So much for girl power in my house, i wondered.

"Yea, so the kid across the street - I'll ask his mom to leave him to you and then you share the responsibility"

"Woah..woah..woah... Why would i wanna baby sit someone else's baby - i told you guys - i agree, we are all responsible"

"Tomoro from morning"...why did i have to teach them to be adamant

" ok, lets do this - what do i get if i sail through "

"We will be proud of you isn't that enough" That brat Ag..

The next day, i loaded up on nappies, baby powder, some YouTube lessons on manhandling kids (hah).

"Eye of the tiger" played in my head all along.. I underrated the immense complexity of the whole deal.

Lil n Ag were easy to raise .. The new age kids, it seems walk right through the corridors of hell.
They are sly, wicked and downright cunning and ace at emotional blackmail with their usp the "puppy face"

I came back home that night exhausted, Lil opened the door with a curt smile - Ag was on the chair - hands in pocket- a wide grin which asked me if that was all i got.. I made a grumpy face (had to tell them i was mad at them) and walked to my room as they burst out into laughter..

I yelled "well played" as i accepted defeat and prepared for round two..

Hdk

Note 46 : Reminiscing, dancing

The night stuck around like pictures stuck with glue, the dark clouds made for that perfect page from Lily's scrapbook. A restless chirping bird reminded of Agnes.

I remembered a night at the music concert of my favorite band. My little girls were dancing away in glory, in unbound happiness. If you have ever watched kids dance, you'll realize how their careless giggles, the endless feet tapping, how magically their body moves to the sound of music - absolutely crazy, which surprisingly takes you off to this happy, this really wonderful place, where you're doing nothing but gleaming at all the happiness around

Lily dancing around in circles, Agnes jostling and jumping and bumping , and both of them, it seemed were gleefully drunk in doing this.

So, i joined, been uptight all my life, i wasn't really the dancer. But these beautiful women accommodated me, taught me. 

Taught me how to dance. Taught me how to be carelessly happy. How to forget about world for a while and dance away with people who take you to this happy place.

There were 10 people in that little concert. 7 it seemed stayed on earth. The other 3, quiet noticeably had made a trip to heaven and left some part of themselves back there and had traveled back.

I too in the middle of this cloudy night, made a trip to that little place in the head and relived it. They are both traveling and away from home - so im filling this emptiness with these rolls from head.

Click - the second one begins.

Hdk

Note 45 : The mist - the fog

Lil says when there's mist ... a dense fog.. The ghosts which traveled through the night to dance with the clouds, seemed to have overstayed their presence. Clouds not wanting to part with them, lock them in, in their homes - the atmosphere.

And as the day turns, the clouds block the sun to save her love - the fog. The dull grey - absorbs human souls - as the dullness spreads into the human heart. And as it burns - there's wisps of smoke - mating with the fog and then there's an unnatural orgy of the clouds, the fog and the smoke.

Cause even in the absence of the sun - the world burns..

The clouds for the fog..
The fog for a taste of freedom..
Humans - well, they were born to burn. Burn into smoke.

Lily



hdk

Note 44 : Flip it on

"you just have to flip the light on -"

A literature class had Lily thinking about love and why people would die for it. Even Shakespeare couldn't convince her - the everdoubting woman.

"Why would someone say a lie, why then Romeo would poison himself and then why would Juliet kill herself..this just doesn't make sense."

I had to choose my words.."Sugar, there are times when an idea grips the mind..and it grips it so subtly that you would not realize when those vines have reached the corners of your mind - the unconscious and made it their home.

So when the trees are slashed, as they so often are, the roots which have taken hold in your mind - forced to recoil - drag you to bad corners. You remember good corners & bad corners right.(another lecture on positive n negative thots). So the bad corners ruled their minds and then, there was also the confusion..

Nobody asked them 2 to look ahead..at the light..so they did what they did "

"did they not know they had to flip the light on"

"no, sweetie..no one told them that"..

Hdk

PS: "no one told me that too, I've learnt all the life.lessons the hard way (self pity, loathing, the dirt)... Walk, fall in the pit, drag your way out. But love, this pit I never came out - coz I had company there - or so I thot - it never was a pit at first - just an eyewash - I later realized...

Still searching for the button.. Wat if it doesn't want to be flipped on.." my mind thinks on"

Hdk